Show Your Boobies!

No, I'm not showing mine....today! :)

Yes, she is here. 

The one and only, Boobies, Babies, & A Blog..

When I asked her to guest post & she said yes I quickly responded with "I'm doing the happy dance."  And I so did.  This girl is my blog bestie, hands down.  I've laughed until I've almost peed myself, and even in times shook (with fear) reading her posts.  

She is hilarious, blunt, and not afraid to be herself.  I love it.  && you will too or I will personally come kick your tail. 

So here she is, my bombshell friend, Boobies...

[Sidenote: we are moving in togethe, Teehee... I smell trouble brewing!]


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Hey Kayla lovers! I'm Boobies and for those of you who don't know me--I'm Kayla's cyber bestie. It's true, she even has a bedroom ready for me to move into should my family decide they don't need me anymore. ;) So when my BFF asked me to come guest post for her, I was obviously thrilled. Kayla is sweet, funny, adorable, and all around fab. Of course, you guys already know that.

After the glow of being asked to guest post settled in, I realize I was going to have to come up with something to talk about. The pressure, people! I thought it would be wise to speak about something I am knowledgeable about. My career as a spoiled housewife? My shopping addiction? My offspring? My gourmet microwave cooking talent? Plastic surgery? I'm versatile. I can do this!

I decided to cater to my fellow females...

Parenting is no easy gig. If you have kids of your own, you already know this. Hell, if you DON'T have kids-you probably know this. We all have our own unique brand of parenting. (I figure this is why there are so many fruitcakes in the world.)

Anyway...With almost 15 years of motherhood & playing wifey (albeit to two husbands..not at the same time, of course!) for almost 14 years combined...I'd say I've got a good handle on things. I always think there should be survival guides for all things in life...so I wanted to share some of MY rules for surviving motherhood and/or wifehood. I totally made that word up...feel free to swag jack.

Rule #1- Multi-tasking. It's ALL about how many balls you can juggle at once. Take for example today. I've been feeling like SuperBoobies and decided to clean the house. I clean everyday..but I really wanted to clean. So after spending an hour in my closet finding shoes I forgot I had, finishing piles of laundry, and mopping myself into muscle spasms...I set forth to tackle the shower. Here's the trick...I clean my shower WHILE I'm in the shower. Yep, I get naked with Mr. Clean and a sponge and make it happen. That is multi-tasking at it's very best. Learn it, love it, and keep the chemicals away from your lady garden.

Rule #2- Never believe the lies they tell you. NOTHING is the same after you get married, nor after you have children. It all just gets harder. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. Again, it's all about the juggling act. When your friend 'June' tells you that she and her husband NEVER argue and that her kids are perfect angels-she is lying. Such a scenario doesn't exist. Same thing applies to 'June' boasting that her 9 month old is totally potty trained and can sign to you in French, (yeah, I know) she's lying.


Rule #3- Take time for yourself. This is crucial. Some of you are saying, "But Boobies, I don't have anyone to watch the kids." Or maybe "Boobies, I can't pay anyone enough to watch my kids." I feel you. My family all lives two hours away and I wouldn't trust anyone else with my kids. I don't trust my kids with my kids. So here's what I do-fake intestinal illness. Lock yourself in the bathroom and unwind there. I like to use this time for a hot bath, tweeting, or plucking my eyebrows. (It's kinda sad that I take alone time to torture myself with tweezers, I know.) At this point, my husband and kids are convinced that my guts are on the fast track to an early demise.

Rule #4- Be good or be good at it. I can't cook. Seriously. At all. I once caught the kitchen on fire boiling water for noodles. This is a true story. So I pick up things like this at the store:

I follow the directions then slap it on a plate with a gorgeous presentation. If I want to be really impressive, I throw together a salad. Mr. Boobies isn't aware, but I often pass off frozen food as my own.

Rule #5- Omissions of the truth aren't the same as lies. Say for example when Mr. Boobies took note of my new shoes the other day and said; "Where'd you get those shoes?" I said, "The closet, obviously!" Since they did come out of the closet, I wasn't really lying. Look for the loopholes people!

Rule #6- Men are easy. And I mean no offense whatsoever gentlemen. You're lovely and for the most part quite handy to have around. The simple truth is, men aren't wired like us. They have six basic senses; Smell, Taste, Sight, Hearing, Touch, & Vagina. In a pinch with your male partner? Take one for the team and commit a dirty act. He will miraculously forget that you  maxed out the credit card. I guarantee you, this trick works every, single time.

Rule #7- When In Doubt-Let The Rack Hang Out. Okay, not really but that just sounded really Dr. Seuss like. Always stay collected, girls. Don't blow a gasket over the small things. Yeah, I don't fancy calls from the Principal either-but since my 13 year old was only written up for passing gas in class, I'm going to just lock that away to memory so I can share it with his future girlfriends. If your son is sporting Bieber hair and wearing skinny jeans, bite your tongue. This too shall pass. It could be worse. He could be dressing like Lady Gaga. Trivial nonsense. He'll outgrow it. If your significant other gets bent out of shape because you spent the bill money on shoes, don't get upset. Simply refer to rule six. See how easy that was? Bottom line, even when you're falling apart on the inside-keep a strong front going on the outside. Confidence is sexy in all situations.

(My Granny insists I tell you rule 8. Otherwise known as the unspoken rule. In a nutshell Rule 8 specifies to never be caught wearing dirty undies. Didn't ALL of your Grandma's teach you that though?)

If you read this whole post, bless you. If you didn't--well, life is going to be a real rough trip for you! It's been a pleasure!

XO-Boobies


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There is no way I have to explain why she is my bestie.  Now go on to her blog.  I know you wanna... and show my girl some love!!!!!!!!!!!