How I Failed at Online Dating But Still Managed to Get the Ring!

Dating.  Internet dating.  We've all known someone whose tried it, and we all know there are just as many success stories as failures.  Today I've got one of my good friends here to let you know what she thinks about the topic.  

Everyone, welcome Ginny to my part of the blogosphere. She's just as fun and pretty as she looks!

        

When I got to writing about my online dating woes, I realized that I just couldn't stop typing. I have so much to say.  This post is so long that I will be breaking it down into a 3 part series. I have a lot of crazy stories to share and personal advice to give.    

  

It humbles me very much to know that I am through with dating!  Finished! Next May I will be walking down the aisle and marrying my prince charming.  I'm a very lucky girl...Matthew truly is EVERYTHING I have ever wanted in a husband.

I'm just another statistic. Another girl about to walk down the aisle. And to all of the singletons out there, I'm probably just another reminder of where you aren't and where you would probably like to be. And if you are single, please don't grab the tissues just yet....

I will be the first to tell you that it took a lot of WORK to get where I am today! A lot of patience, trust, sadness, heartbreak, energy, tubs of ice-cream, chick-flicks, and even gut instinct. It is pretty exhausting looking back...and I didn't even meet my fiance through this process. Go figure! Matthew pretty much just fell right out of the sky, but before he came into my life, I was a busy bee in the dating world... on and off for a good couple of years. I took breaks while I was busy with nursing school and other life happenings but I was always looking. The stories I could tell are endless but I will do my best to highlight everything I want you to know so that you can be successful finding Mr. Right, online!

Match.com

Let me preface this by saying, I hear people all the time (including people I went on dates with through Match.com) reluctantly admit to online dating.  They often use phrases like: "Oh, I'm just on here to meet friendly people around town" ...or my favorite... "I'm not really looking to date anyone right now. I don't want to get too serious."  I'm not sure why this is.  Maybe it's the truth or maybe they are just too embarrassed to admit they are going that next step and looking for love on the internet.  Whatever the case may be, it's 2013.  Online dating isn't as creepy as the chat rooms of the 90's, but it still has it's creepers. Promise! Don't worry about what others think of you. Be confident!

I never uttered those phrases because I was looking for my life partner!  I was 25 and very ready to settle down with someone special.  A kind and caring man of marriage quality who was also looking for the same things in life. No sugar coating it here.  I wasn't putting myself out there on Match.com to just "meet friendly people around town."  I made this very clear with the people I went on dates with and I would suggest that you do the same if you are considering online dating. There are men of all ages on social dating websites who just want a "booty-call" or a quick hook-up here and there and are not afraid to show it.  Be prepared for those crazies.  Make it clear to potential dates that you are looking for a long-term commitment and go with your gut.  If he is acting shady then chances are he isn't someone you would want to bring home to Daddy. Move on.

I didn't have money to spend on an expensive online dating service, nor did I want to. I chose Match.com because it was free, popular, and people I worked with were having a lot of success with it. My manager at the time was getting married to a gal he had met on Match so it definitely sparked my curiosity. I was told not to do E-Harmony because the sign-up is extremely difficult and time consuming and the final matching process is very strange.  I was very motivated, excited, and apprehensive once I made the decision to start online dating.  As far as setting up my account and creating a detailed profile, Match.com was pretty easy breezy!

Profiling for Dates

In the first couple of days after registering, my inbox was OVERFLOWING with emails and messages from potential dates.  I had to turn my blackberry on silent, because I was getting an email every .5 seconds. This is just a normal alert telling everyone in your area that you are new to the scene. So of course, the "desparados" come out in full force thinking you are gullible and clueless. I deleted most, if not all, of those and began my own search.

The opportunities to meet people are endless and it can become VERY overwhelming at times, even addicting, especially in the beginning when everything is new and exciting. In a nutshell, there are a lot of decent looking guys on Match.com. From far away thumbnails they seem okay, but once you get to looking at their profile, they are a mess.  Bathroom picture selfies, spelling and grammatical errors that third graders don't even miss, photos with other WOMEN (seriously!), and just overt cockiness is not all too sparse.  But that is expected, right?

I learned one funny thing about men through online dating that I never knew before. Did you know that 90% of all the males on Match.com are adventure travelers!?!?!?!Wow, who would have thought that so many guys were adventurous, fly by the seat of your pants, let's go climb Mount Kilimanjaro types? They boast about always going para-sailing, sky-diving, white-water rafting, hiking the Ozarks, zip-lining, mountain climbing, rock climbing, etc. You name it, they are doing it. And they want a girl that is equally adventurous, as well as smart, funny, beautiful, family oriented, single, beautiful, child-less, college educated, not divorced, beautiful, christian, outgoing, not too shy but confident, a good cook, witty, not too tall, skinny and athletic, likes movies, enjoys going out to dinner, can be "just one of the guys" in certain situations, likes to clean, and loves sports.  Wow, talk about Superwoman not even being able to fulfill those requirements. Let's face it, it's quite the opposite. Most guys are not adventure travelers. You know it and I know it.  It costs a LOT of money to do these things. And MOST of the guys I have come across on dating websites, are not doctors or lawyers. They promote themselves as average middle class guys, with mediocre jobs just looking for love.  My advice is to take a lot of what you read on profiles with a grain of salt because things are not always what they appear to be, especially behind a computer screen. 

As far as my list, you can read more about the qualities that I was looking for here as they have stayed very much the same since then.  I was pretty open to meeting anyone as long as they were kind, genuine, and had a good heart.  I didn't really have any expectations on my dates, just that their profile matched up to who they were in person.

Part 2 will continue with Making Contact and The First Date

Part 3 will end with a Facebook fiasco and the end of my Online Dating experience.

Thanks, Ginny, for letting us into your life to hear your experiences.  I'm sure there are lots of other women who can agree with you on these points!

Now, ladies, if you haven't already checked out Ginny's blog, go on over and say hi! :)