My friend, Brittany at Happy Is A Choice, recently celebrated her 6 month anniversary. Since Brian and I are right behind them and it is now our 6 month anniversary, I wanted to take her idea and share my thoughts and things I have learned in the first 6 months.
1. Spending time together is an adjustment. Yes, Brian and I still enjoy doing things together. We have a series of silly shows we watch, a set of meals we love to cook, and a million other little quirks we have figured out. But one big lesson we have learned even more so as a married couple is that time spent separately is just as valuable as time together.
Neither Brian nor myself are the type of people who "need" to have our spouse at our side every second of free time. In fact, I'm sure we would end up having a HUGE argument if one of us tried that at all. We have kept our own leisure activies since before we were married. Saturdays, I love to go to yard sales. I also love to read and play on Pinterest. Brian likes to play XBox and go use his tools on a project.
We both are interested in what the other wants/needs, but we also believe our marriage deserves some alone time. It works for us!
2. Text fighting never ends up good. Brian and I have had numberous issues where one or the other of us has taken something "said" the wrong way. This is one reason I do dislike my phone. I can say something completely harmless and he may take it as I was being snappy. Brian and I are not perfect. We do have spats about little things. Texting about those spats is NEVER a good idea. We are now trying to watch what we say in those moments so nothing CAN be taken wrong, or simply picking up the phone and discussing the rest and making things more clear.
3. Forgiveness is something you will do every single day of your marriage. Yes, we are working on 6 months of marriage and almost 3 years of dating. We don't know everything about each other. I don't feel like we will know it ALL by the time we are 80. Every day there may be some little thing or word said that you want to fix or claim it hurts your feelings. Nine out of ten times, your spouse never meant it that way.
It can be as small as a joke that is taken wrong, or someone leaving something out place. The bottom line is, life is short. No one is promised tomorrrow. There is no need to get bent out of shape over one thing when tomorrow it will not matter. And it for sure will not break your marriage. Pick your battles. And forgive when hurt. And ALWAYS really forgive. No one wants the past threw in their face.
4. Trust one another. I believe with my whole entire heart that Brian would never, ever do anything outside of our marriage. Yes, other women have made that statement and found out they were wrong. This is when I'm telling you this is MY husband and I know this to be true. He doesn't have the heart to do that to me. Nor I would him. It took us way too long to find each other in this life to risk throwing it down the drain like that.
With that said, trust is major in ANY relationship. Brian and I both came from hurtful, decieving relationships and were not ready to fully trust again. I know in the beginning that we had to work hard to let both our walls down and let each other into our hearts. That's a lifelong commitment we made to each other.
Trusting Brian is like second nature to me. And as we grow older, that is factor that will never break.
5. Keep the romance. We are still newlyweds, folks. But that doesn't mean that we don't both come home from work and want to just collapse on the couch/recliner and call it a night. And in all honesty, a lot of nights WE DO. And that's perfectly fine because we understand that. But we both know how equally important it is to keep our flame burning, for lack of better terms.
Brian still kisses me at random times, or squeezes my hand in the middle of the night. I still send him random "I love you" e-mails and pick up his favorite candy at the store. It doesn't have to be some big elaborate date. Brian and I are fine with a pizza and an episode of Shark Tank.
However, we keep a place in the back of our minds when we last had a "real" date and like to make sure we get around to that as well. It's important to still want to go out and show off your spouse. It's "super" dating. I get to take my date home and keep him all night! ha!
6. Keep God first. I purposely left this one for last. Why? Because I want this one to be the one that sticks in your mind after this list. At the end of the day, Brian and I are human. We will make mistakes. We will let each other down. We will argue. We will get angry. We will cry. We will fight. We will hug. We will be our own best/worst enemies. But at the end of every single day, we are both a child of God.
He is a God who forgives us and shows us the way to mend our mistakes. He is a God that binds us. Brian and I stood before God on October 12, 2013 and vowed to conquer this world as one, with Him being our focus. That is and always will be our view.
And one last and final thought. Brian's father married us and in our ceremony he told us there were twelve words we will always need/use. These words will be spoken throughout our lives as man/wife. I wanted to share them with you today, in hopes you can also use it in your own marriages/relationships.
"I was wrong. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you." - Ken White
Thank you for an amazing journey thus far as your wife. I still get butterflies knowing I get to go to sleep and wake up next to you every morning. I've prayed for years for these days we are living now. It's even better in reality than it was in all those dreams. God placed a special person in this life when you were created. I owe God and your parents' lots of love and devotion for raising such a good, Christian man and future father. It has been an incredible first six months. I am looking forward to all the years of our lives... Love, "Wifey"