A hard topic, & my man's words.

Today isn't going to be my typical post.  I'm not going to talk about my man and make it appear we have a perfect life.  We don't.  None of you do either.  What I want to do today is show you a side that hasn't been shown on this blog, ever.

If you've read my blog for any length of time, or read about Brian & I, then you know we both came from hurtful past relationships.  I've made mention of mine in the past.  And I've mentioned his as well.   But I've never really explained where he came from and how badly he was hurt.  It hurts me to know he was hurt.  It angers me to my core.  It's a miracle he believed in love still when he found me.

And I am not going to tell you those details today- he is.  That's right.  My man is going to share his story with you. I have asked him for awhile to do this, and I'm so grateful for a man that is willing to put his heart and soul out there for all these "strangers."  Brian and I have no secrets from one another, and for my readers, I don't want to portray that he and I are perfect.

In fact, he and I have had many moments where the past "haunted" us and we've had to find a balance to deal with each other.  I truly believe we both came into the relationship with our walls still up and very much guarded.  Since we've been together, we have helped each other to tear down those walls and instead re-build a gate. I like to refer to it as a "gate" because it's there, it's smaller, and it's see-through.  The "gate" we both have now allows each other the ability to reach in and help the other one out when life feels like it's too much to carry.  Because we are a team now.  Two becoming one.

So, this is Brian's post.  These are his words.  I just spaced them out and made it "pretty" for all my beautiful blogging eyes to read.


Hi, blogger world, I'm Brian (aka "B").  I'm engaged to Kayla.  She is my world and the love of my life.  She wanted me to do a guest blog post to tell my view of "how we met".

To be able to explain that, I have to first tell you a little about me and the past couple years of my life prior to meeting Kayla, so you can better understand what she means to me.

I was in a relationship with a girl who I started dating in November of 2004 until June 2008.  We had dated so long and I felt like was the one for me, so I proposed in Destin, FL.  At the time, I thought she was the girl for me.  You date someone for so long, and it seems logical to be the next step in your relationship. Or so I thought.

After I proposed, she decided on the next year to marry, so on June 20, 2009, that's exactly what happened. There were signs of negativity there from then, but I was "so in love" that it blinded me to what was actually about to change my life in a negative way.  There were fights and claws came out (nothing physical) during the rehearsal dinner.  Long story short, I had to get involved and take charge of the situation.  I knew everyone was stressed and tempers were high, but finally everyone cooled off and the show continued.

That was the worst mistake of my life.

When we got back from our honeymoon, things were going good.  But that only lasted for the first six months.  In January of 2010, things took a worse turn downhill.  It almost seemed as if a light switch went off in her and she was a completely different person. I didn't know what to do so I kept trying to "play it cool" and do whatever it took to keep the relationship going.

While we were engaged, we watched the movie Fireproof and I kept thinking about what they did to get their marriage back on track.  So I tried to do everything I knew to do to keep things going, like washing clothes, dishes, trash, and even cooking some.  I prayed to God that He would give me answers on why this was happening to me and why things were changing. I would write her letters asking her why she was being different, but no answers.  We were becoming roommates instead of a married couple. I moved into a separate room to stay away from the awkwardness but continued to still do all the household chores.

In the movie, there are 40 days of acts.  I stayed there in my home and marriage for a year and a half, with no changes.  I would walk out on my porch and stare at the moon and pray to God and ask Him what was I doing to deserve this treatment.  My dad is a preacher, so I grew up with divorce not being in my vocabulary.  But I didn't know what to do.  Did I stay and remain miserable?

We took a trip in 2010 to my cousin's wedding.  This was the first time I had to "fake smile" for a week in front of my family and act like things were going great.  On the trip, my dad began to notice how she was treating me.  He asked my mom what was really going on and why is he staying if he is that miserable.  My mom told him  "Brian is afraid of how you would take it if he told you."  And I was.  He is the one that married us and I had been raised that divorce was not an option.  However, after he saw all my efforts and that I was putting forth the time trying to save my marriage he simply told me this, "Brian I know what's going on.  I saw how she has been treating you.  I am not telling you to get a divorce, but I am telling you do what you need to do to make yourself happy."

When he told me that, I immediately started plotting my escape.  We still lived together and I had to be as low-key as possible.  I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I made my move.  I don't know if any of you have ever got depressed and sad over relationships, but phase two was happening.  I got mad so I made sure my name came off the joint account.  So on a day I knew she was at work, my friend came with his enclosed 16 ft trailer and we started moving my things.  I wrote her parents' a letter describing everything that happened and even gave them copies of the letters I had written her.  As I was leaving, I left those letters at their house, and was gone.  I have never spoke to them again.

I moved out the week before my family's vacation, so it was great to be able to get away from everything and get a fresh start.  I've always been late to get involved in things like Facebook, so my family thought I could re-connect with the world through Facebook.  So on the Friday before we left, I set up an account.  We've all been there and you know how quickly you get friends.

Close to three months after we got back from our vacation, I was checking my newsfeed when the "People you may know" popped up.  Kayla was there.  And we had 56 people in common.  I remember thinking "How in the world do we have that many people in common and I don't know her.  Especially since I only have 120 friends and they are mainly family."  But I liked that she was cute and on a whim, I sent her a friend request.

Little did I know, I had just sent a friend request to my future wife.

She and some friends had went to Gatlinburg on a trip and she had posted on Facebook about being sick, but still having a good time.  Well, I commented on her post saying I hope she was having a good time, and I was sorry she was sick. (Yes, I was flirting.)

Well, when they came back from their trip, we started talking through Facebook messages for a few days. Then that turned into texts.  And then phone calls.  Two weeks later we started talking about meeting each other, after all, that was the next step.

So I planned to meet her the next Thursday, and man was I nervous.  I hadn't talked to or dated a girl in a long time so I forgot how to approach this situation.  Well, I knew, if you were going to meet a girl the right way, you had to bring flowers.  So that's exactly what I did.  I got off work, went shopping for a new Polo, got some flowers, went home and showered, got dressed, and headed her way.  I was so nervous, but after I pulled in she actually met me on the sidewalk.  I handed her the flowers, and took her into my arms and gave her one of my bear hugs.  All the nerves just disappeared.

We went into her house and talked until we couldn't talk anymore.  She gave me a tour of her house, and then we talked even more. Then I had to leave.  But I knew I'd be back.  There was a connection there.  Well, that connection hasn't stopped.  We have became so close to one another.  We dated for over a year and I proposed on November 10, 2012.  We are getting married on October 12, 2013.

This is my side of "how we met" and why I appreciate a girl like Kayla in my life.  I've been nothing but upfront and honest to her and she has accepted me and my past and given me another chance.


................................
So, that's my man ya'll.  Every bit of what he says is true.

BUT let me add a few fun facts to go along with his story:
-I used to walk outside and stare at the moon A LOT when I was dealing with my past relationship. We both truly believe we were doing it together.
-The day Brian moved out of his home, is the day things ended for the last time with my past.  Best we can remember, within two hours of each other.  (If that's not a sign, I don't know what is, LOL!)
-Don't let him fool you- I gave him my number so we could graduate to texting.  I was a little eager beaver. :)


He has my heart and soul and I again want to say that I appreciate him doing this for me.  I just thought it would be nice to show that even though we all go through hurtful relationships, that your Mr/Mrs Right IS OUT THERE.  I found mine very quickly after I "stopped looking" so let that be a lesson in itself.  Just open your heart to love.  Don't let that door close because God WILL provide the perfect person for YOU.

And now, if anyone has made it through the longest post ever of my life, then this is where I say.....


'That's a wrap, folks!"

10 comments:

  1. Love this post Kayla & Brian!!! I've been there thinking I'd never find TRUE love & once you stop hunting, it happens!! So happy for y'all!!! :)))

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  2. what a beautiful story! thank you for sharing... i think we can all agree that nobody has a perfect past, but that it all leads to the right person in the end! so happy for you two :)

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  3. Oh my Heavens!!!
    I just love y'all to pieces! literally.
    I love Brian's story but hate that he hurt so bad in his failed marriage.
    To me that wasn't a marriage. We've talked about this before K!
    God knew you two would find each other and have the "perfect" marriage.
    Perfect in your own little way!
    I can't wait to meet y'all in November and watch y'all grow old together on your new front porch swing!

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  4. That was great of him to write and share his side of y'alls story! So brave of him for sure. And I'm certainly glad that you've both moved on and found each other, so that now we can be wedding twins!!

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  5. you two are just too cute... perfectly designed for one another... wish you all the best!!! :)

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  6. It's awesome that you were both looking at the moon during the same times in your lives.

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  7. Awww I love this post!!! You both are made for each other!

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  8. Kudos to Brian for sharing something so personal & painful! Putting anything out there for everyone to see is scary, but especially something so personal. Sometimes what we perceive as 'failures' are really just second chances. I'm so happy for both of you! Love y'all!

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  9. I am so glad you two are together now! All is right!

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