Back in balance.

I've never been the type of person who immedietly thinks to take a medication when I have a medical issue.  Maybe it's because I have so many, the pain/suffering is nothing "new" to me.  Maybe that's a good, or maybe that's a bad thing.  Either way- I'm stubborn.

But lately, I've had to change that part of me.  If you remember, I wrote this post on feeling like I was on overload, and I also wrote about my lack of control.  I was really feeling like I was down in the dumps and life was just spinning out of control.

For anyone who knows me IRL or knows me well enough through this blog, knows that I like to be in control.  No, I NEED to be in control of myself and my emotions.  Yes, I'm very tender-hearted but I don't show that to just anyone.  I will keep a straight face, lie to someone that "I'm fine" and come home and cry before I let my emotions show too much.

But that's the thing.  I had gotten to the point where I cried over silly things.  If I saw a sad commercial, if I felt like I was rude to someone, or if I just had no reason at all.  I wasn't acting like me.  I felt angry.  I felt like the world was out to get me.  I just felt "off."  I think we all know our own bodies and our reactions to things.  And I knew mine was gone.

I struggled with it.  I knew (or felt like) the new birth control I was taking was causing much of these problems, but with the wedding coming so soon I didn't want to change that again.  So, I talked with my doctor and we started me on Celexa.

My mood swings are gone (except for my normal ones, ha!), my fiance is back happy with me, my family probably loves me more, and I'm sure my coworkers and customers are thankful.  I noticed a huge difference within a week of taking it, but was told my body would need a couple weeks for it to fully take effect.  However, they said you can experience an immediate "high" from it if you aren't used to such medications, which I wasn't.  I was scared the "good" would go away, but it hasn't.

I asked Brian the other day if he could tell a difference in me, and he said he really could.  That was the answer I wanted to hear.

I am back.  Back to being ME.

Sometimes taking a medication is a good thing.  Even for control freaks like me. :)


4 comments:

  1. Good for you! I dont think there is anything wrong with taking a medication when you really need it. It may be all the stress from the wedding! I know I felt like I was a crazy person when planning my wedding. LOL.. I tried to just enjoy the process, but it can get pretty stressful sometimes.

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  2. I hate that you had such a rough time for a while, but I'm so glad that you're doing so much better now! Hopefully this will be just what you need, and things will continue to go well with the new meds!

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  3. Hey Kayla,

    I'm like you. I don't like to take meds for every ailment. My fiance does. I can usually just forget about a headache and I'm good. Don't feel guilty for getting help with something that interferes with life. Don't feel bad that you are taking something to help you be a better person. It's okay. Life nowadays is so crazy!!!! I mean, absolutely crazy sometimes. Trying to balance work-life-career-family-fiance-"me".

    I've had a lot of mood swings this year over what seems to be nothing. I at times wonder if I should see someone and get on something. It may come to that. I sadly have been drinking away a lot of my problems which doesn't solve anything.

    I'm glad you had the courage to go out and seek out help when you needed it. And see, it worked!

    Keep your head up! You are about to be a married woman and so many great things will be happening in the future!

    Ginny
    www.buttergirldiaries.com

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